those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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