I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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