I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
