what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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