I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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