Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
