please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
