she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
