Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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