I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
