his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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