i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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