is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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