don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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