i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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