Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
