I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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