She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
