Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
