I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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