What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
