If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
