The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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