Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think my vagina is haunted
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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