my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
