I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
