there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
