Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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