Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
