I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
