I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
