i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My feet surprised me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize