have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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