He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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