Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
