The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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