she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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