True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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