brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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