That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
