i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
