My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
