My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
