The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
