He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
