Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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