Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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