My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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