I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
