Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
