I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
