am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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