Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
