You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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