You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
