already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
