I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i love accidental penises.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
