I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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