Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
