Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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