yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Who died my cat blue again?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
And then he peed in my hair
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