I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
