So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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