yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
