I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Send help, water and tortillas.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
