oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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