I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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