thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am naked and annoyed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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