my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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